Someone said the wrong thing to you at the wrong time.
You want to explode, but not in front of all the people gathered around, who are waiting to watch you explode.
Again.
This is the pattern you have found yourself in with taking lobs at your direction as personal attacks.
Because You Really Are The Problem
And this is a problem you need to work on. How deep, extensive, and expensive it will be to find a personal solution? As usual, it depends.
But the problem is not totally you. There must be a spark to set off the potential brush fire that is your personality, and we’ll call that spark an antagonist. For those unfamiliar, an antagonist is a noun that means a person who actively opposes or is hostile to someone or something, like an adversary.
It is the antagonistic demeanor, intentional or otherwise, of a person who is triggering you, which gets enhanced by the environment you are working in.
So how do you deal with this?
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional or behavior specialist. I am just an overly salty guy who has worked in live action situation various degrees of ‘what the hell’ for almost 30 years and have found a way to cope without murdering anyone. Yet.
Assume It Is Not A Personal Attack
Tempers flare and stress escalates in what I call live fire situations. Similar to a military live fire exercise where the threat your attacking isn’t real, but the bullets and bombs you are practicing with are. Don’t take those crosswords tossed at you in the heat of battle, real or fake, as a personal attack at you. take it as a jab at the situation you are currently working through, with the knowledge that as soon as the exercise is over, you can clarify if those words were meant for you or you just happened to be there when the words came out.
Anticipate It Will Be A Personal Attack
When you know the punch is coming, you can prepare for it. When you can see yourself scheduled with a person you know you will not agree with, or anticipate some sort of resistance coming ahead, you still can not take it personally, even if you know it is personal. You’re going to have to be the bigger person and find a way to defuse the situation, and give the offending party a chance to save face. Yes, even if they started it and intended to finish it. It keeps you employed by people who know better.
Antagonize First (With Caveats)
Fire the first shots, but don’t draw first blood? This is a hard one to pull off, but if you do, you will gain respect from allies and enemies alike. You simply state the potential problem from the start, well even before many may realize there will be a problem. It takes certain personalities with certain gifts and abilities to make this work. Some can do it with comedy, some with a voice of God authority. This is not for the naive or the novice, and I have rarely had a situation come up where I could pull this off. But I have seen it pulled off, and it is glorious to behold.
This is not a plea to let your buttons get pushed without recourse, or a mandate to become an emotional robot for the sake of collecting a check. This is about coping with a complicated issue in real time. The world will never run out of jerks to test your limits. Your limits, of course, have limits. Best to manage your level of stress with those who will push you to those limits.